Celebrity Death List 2009


To be honest I was a little apprehensive about doing another celebrity death list this year — not only is it morbid, but I felt that such an endeavor falls short of the quasi-intellectual tenor I gesture towards in this blog. Plus Charles kicks my ass every year. On the other hand, celebrity death allows an unparalleled peek at the awful economics of the fame industry — Charles’ often-brilliant commentary (unfortunately relegated to a long-dormant Myspace profile) parses who’s been unjustly overlooked, who’s been given a token farewell, who had the misfortune of dying in the same week as someone more famous or more beautiful, exposing the merciless side of celebrity (the side that includes, of course, lists such as these). So I’m doing one for 2009 — in any case, I think I’ve gotten better at this and might actually have a decent showing for once. 

  1. Nancy Reagan – Recent hip problems are the fabled “kiss of the death” for the elderly.
  2. Nate Dogg – Two strokes have left him in a coma. 
  3. Ted Kennedy – News articles are already treating him as a dead man walking.
  4. Robert Novak — Brain problems, and I don’t mean his Republican affiliation.
  5. Dick Clark – Eternal teenager no more.
  6. Dear Abby – Has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for over 10 years.
  7. Michael Jackson – It’s gotta happen sooner rather than later.
  8. Jerry Lewis – Hasn’t looked healthy in a while.
  9. Patrick Swayze – Cancerous.
  10.  Dick Cheney – I think he’s accomplished all the evil he set out to do.

Lots of Republicans on this list — wishful thinking about marking the end of an era?


6 Responses to Celebrity Death List 2009

  1. Trina says:

    poor mj!


    Michael Jackson is suffering from a rare lung condition and needs to undergo a transplant, a biographer of the King of Pop tells a London newspaper.

    He may even be fighting for his life, author Ian Halperin tells In Touch magazine and Britain’s Sunday Express newspaper. Halperin has just completed a biography of the singer.

    He says Jackson has been diagnosed with Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency, an occasionally fatal genetic condition.

    “He’s had it for years, but it’s gotten worse,” Halperin told In Touch. “He needs a lung transplant but may be too weak to go through with it. He also has emphysema and chronic gastrointestinal bleeding, which his doctors have had a lot of trouble stopping. It’s the bleeding that is the most problematic part. It could kill him.”

    According to Halperin, Jackson “can barely speak” and is having trouble seeing: “The vision in his left eye is 95 percent gone.”

    Jackson’s spokesman was unavailable for comment Sunday, but the singer’s brother Jermaine didn’t deny the reports, telling Fox News, “He’s not doing so well right now. This isn’t a good time.”

  2. […] instead of his wife, and Tom Kennedy instead of his older brother. Nevertheless, I still beat Gavin senseless, and made a respectable if unremarkable […]

  3. Thanks again for the plug. I will now proceed to collapse under the pressure of living up to your analysis. Straining for depth will be the death of insight.

    As this overlaps with three of my names (two of my top ten), I am again officially frightened. On the other hand, Swayze AND Kennedy?!? Way to be obvious, Vin.

  4. How you stacked up against Stiffs.com’s annual comprehensive 09 rankings (rank in parentheses, with total number of ballots):

    1. Nancy Reagan (23—77 ballots)
    2. Nate Dogg (185—5 ballots)
    3. Ted Kennedy (1—353 ballots)
    4. Robert Novak (9—158 ballots)
    5. Dick Clark (64—26 ballots)
    6. Dear Abby (58—30 ballots)
    7. Michael Jackson (61—28 ballots)
    8. Jerry Lewis (71—21 ballots)
    9. Patrick Swayze (2—332 ballots)
    10. Dick Cheney (104—12 ballots)

    See my blog for more.

    Full list here: http://www.stiffs.com/09numbers.cfm

  5. Nick says:

    Wow! You actually got MJ right!

  6. […] List 2010 Well, after 2009’s stunning success, I can’t very well back out this year. Here are my picks for the celebrities most likely to […]

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